I woke up this morning cringing from the memory of the crap I came out with at last night’s party that a Tiger friend had invited me to. Hardly comforted by the fact that most of what I said was astrologically accurate; it was, at the same time wholly inappropriate and on occasions, out rightly rude. But I was completely unaware because I had a captive audience that was excited to hear what the inebriated psychic had to say about their astrological combination, their partners’, children and what their cards said… So I told them. I’m honest anyway, but when plied with an ample supply of cocktails, even when I’m right, I’m just wrong maaaaan!
So there we were on the 27th floor of this luxury apartment building overlooking the sights and lights of the city at a “networking” party. I’m not a natural networker, though many of my friends see me as an open armed extrovert that warmly invites people into conversations and makes them feel comfortable… and yes I am that person, but I don’t know how I do that, I don’t know how that happens when it happens, I do not have a fricken clue… But I do know, that when I’m sober, I am able to control my responses somewhat better than when I’m not.
So I got talking to a tall, oval faced brunette with slow reflexes, she was a financial adviser, (Rooster, of course) who I had met earlier that day through the same Tiger friend at a networking lunch event; Rooster-girl was telling me about the laws of the land pertaining to buying properties and in return, she wanted a quick reading about her relationship, so I talked a bit about the astrological combinations involved, then pulled out my Druid Pack of Tarot cards to do a quick reading for her. Needless to say, at this point, we were attracting a little bit of attention and… I can say that I just wanted to read for that one Rooster-girl in return for her advice, but I know me better than that! I totally thrive off the attention and love it when people are amazed by astro-babble seeing as most of my friends are bored sh**less by now! The next thing you know, I have a line of people who wanted free readings. I had said to myself, the last time this happened, that I was not going to read for people for free, but my ego and the fact that I don’t know how to say no, kept me reading all night. Yet, I’m having a great time because everybody is so impressed with my abilities and my ego is getting stroked whilst my inhibitions continue to be lowered by the pink vodka drink supplied by the pretty dark haired Sheep girl who I also read for.
So before I know it, I think I’m God! I start telling people why they are not right for their partners, why the Horse-Cancer needs more freedom than his Rooster-Libra wife will be able to give him and she is likely to make him feel claustrophobic and press his buttons with her numerous demands and put her career before their daughter and, bless his heart, he just kept listening patiently while I said the most ludicrous crap without knowing these people or their circumstances… they had been married for 12 years!!! Regardless of what I know and what I do, I am nobody to be telling anyone who is right and wrong for their partners. Yet people ask me these questions!!! And I tell them what I think. Then afterwards, I feel like karma is gonna come kick my ass! If anyone said that crap to me, I would not be much impressed. But I guess, I do it to be seen. Then I beat on myself for being so inappropriate. And the alcohol also needs to accept some responsibility. And the drinker of the alcohol.
Why do I have such an unquenchable thirst to be seen? Well, trying waaaaay too hard is a sure fire way not to be seen. This desire to be noticed is something I’m really ashamed of. I know it comes across as desperate and insecure and that ain’t really the look I’m currently going for, you know what I mean? I have read so many self-help books and psychology books and books on personal management to deal with this issue, to help prop up my fragile esteem and just be able to be in any environment without needing to draw focus. Yet, here I am, 34 years old, a professional Writer and Astrologer, yet I feel the same way I have always done. I know that there are many people out there who do not see it as a big deal particularly with the understanding that some people just have a greater desire to be noticed, but I cannot help but perceive at some sort of psychological imbalance. I mean, I’m hardly on Madonna’s level but I’ve got me some issues that I’m dealing with.
I’m not happy with the way I presented myself last night, nor with the fact that I read for so many people for free at a party that I should have been enjoying myself as nothing more than just myself. I don’t think that the majority of people at the party would actually have thought twice about me or my behavior, but I’m aware that as an astrologer-intuitive-psychic, I have a responsibility to be sensible with other people’s selves because many of them will take my words with a greater level of potency and seriousness than others. This is so important. I know my little astrological universe so well, but others do not, so I cannot expect them to take my words or in-jokes in context, because they do not know what a Rooster-Libra means or laugh at the fact the Ox sign with an earth element zodiac sign combinations are dominant dictator types. I have a greater responsibility to be responsible. Despite getting offers of reading for parties and a number of people wanting to book me for individual readings, I feel like I let myself down. I let my ego get the better of me and by reading for people for free, lowered the value of what I do.
The lessons of last night for me are:
- Take it easy on the alcohol!
- Do not go into astrological detail or whip out your tarot tools at parties unless paid to read for the party. Instead, give them a business card and tell them to book a session with me.
- Get comfortable being uncomfortable in social environments without resorting to any attention-seeking tactics – do not ask anyone their date of birth or their Chinese sign!
- No more than two alcoholic drinks.
- Do not barter your knowledge with anyone – the financial adviser would have requested payment, it is no different for me.
- Never give unsolicited advice!
- No Alcohol!
Oh no. I’ve just been invited to another networking event tonight!!! Oh crap!
Zakster xxx